Alright kids, I'm going to get a bit personal about myself and my life. Yes, I have a serious side and a life.
Do you remember being a kid and dreaming about being a forest ranger, a zoo-keeper, or a magician's assistant. Yeah, I had all those ambitions too. I used to day dream about being somebody big when I was a girl. I also used to dream I was going to marry a British spy who was also a proffesional motorcycle racer.
Life changes, God gives you directions you would never imagine for yourself.
I married a plumber who happens to be a redhead, and owns a pick up. We were really content with our life and then one day his mind started to wander. He had these nagging thoughts, and no, they weren't me. He felt compelled to go in an entirely different direction. Then by chance an uncle mentioned working in the oil fields. We listened and went on with our lives. Then my redheaded groom let me know that this thought had been plaguing him for months. We had tons of long, hard, good and bad discussions about this proposed change.
That was in the early summer of 2006. And in the spring of 2007 my red-headed groom and I decided it was time to make the change, we decided together. Were we scared?
Heck Yes we were!
After nine years in his career, he quit being a plumber. Plumbing was a relatively safe job, we saw each other every night, and we woke up together every morning. We grew pretty routine with our lives.
Next, we took each other by the hands and turned the sharpest turn we could take on the path of our life.
There were lots of tears, and an entire year living not only apart. but living in two different states. My red-headed groom had gotten himself an apartment, and he lived two and half hours away. He worked crazy and unpredictable hours, so going to visit wasn't really a guarantee that I would see him. He got trained to work with very large equipment, very large trucks, and very dangerous explosives.
I stayed at our home and worked and continued my schooling. I took care of our dogs, I did all of the lawn maintenance, I cared for our home and I carried our child without complaint because we chose this path together. I stayed alone two thirds of the time, because my red-headed groom was gone that much. He came home every three weeks and we started the whole process again. There were lots of sleepless nights, and lots of tears and lots of worry. There was also lots of pride when my groom would reach his next goal and accomplish the things that didn't come easy for him. We shared lots of milestones and congratulations as we both wrked towards our seperate lives.
I carried our first baby and he missed two thirds of that. Two thirds that neither of us will ever be able to experience together again. But, he was there when it mattered. He was there when our first baby was born.
We moved, because it was the best thing to do for our new family. It was the hardest thing anyone in my lifetime has ever asked me to do. My family are the best friends this life has given to me. And I had to make the choice to be away from them. I had to choose to raise my baby away from his Grandparents and from his cousins. Do I regret that choice, sometimes I do. Sometimes I feel like I could pack it all in go back to my support system.
I have had to grow up. I learned how tough I have to be, is it fair? Not always. I think I took a lot for granted back in those days of plumbing, where my redhead was around to do things big and small. When he isn't around it's just me, and I can feel very inadequate at times. We moved to this crazy state, we get to see a lot more of each other than we did. I know its what's best for our little family. We both left what was familiar and comfortable.
Sometimes the best isn't the easiest. Sometimes, what's best takes nothing but pure determination. Sometimes I don't like what's best. But, I try not to complain because we chose this path.
And then my redhead pulls up in his pick-up. He comes inside and that is what's best. My baby and I are no longer missing what makes us whole. We are complete, and that's what's best. And we don't complain because there isn't much to complain about and that's the best.
I might not have grown up to marry a bull-rider, or own my own river rafting tour company, but I have this redhead that has given me his heart, and I have given him mine. I've also sacrificed for him in ways that I don't think anyone would fully understand. I'm not sure if he will ever fully understand what it took for me. I don't know if my children will ever know the kind of committment I have to their father to take this journey with him.
This path could very well make me wrinkle before I'm supposed t be wrinkly. I'll probably go grey ahead of my time, and that's okay. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. I get to have that opportunity every third week.
Take away from this what you will, but let me assure you. I am happy. My life is good. Maybe a bit different, but who's isn't?
Now please tell me I'm not alone. Tell me I'm not the only one who's dreams are different than those of my little girl hood. How has your path curved? When did it go left where yu thought it should go right? Where is God directing you? Or did you end up taking the exact path you always knew you would?
5 comments:
I guess in some way, you and I are a lot alike. I NEVER wanted to be a military wife, and look where I am. Although I think I'm further away from any family than you are. ;) You are not alone in thinking your life has taken a complete turn, but oh well. We're with who makes us happy-that's all that matters :D
You are definitely not alone in the divergent path thing... I can't tell you how many times I've gotten taken off guard by my life's true path. I think that those gaps in not knowing where we're supposed to be headed and questioning if we'll land on our feet and how fast we'll have to run when we do are some of the most valuable in learning about how strong and capable and blessed we really are. You are so lucky that you have that redhead to help you in those moments.
This post is exactly what I needed. I have been thinking a lot lately about my life. I never dreamed it would be like this. I think my life is great but it is totally different than I pictured it would be back in the day.
Thanks for this post.
"Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans."
Thanks, John.
And isn't it a good thing? Life is much better than anything we could've imagined for ourselves, anyway. Heavenly Father knows what's up while we're just sort of drifting, myopic and stupid.
That was pretty darn good reading. I felt like I was reading a poem. Definately life has taken some twists and turns that I was not expecting. I swear I had a midlife crisis at 25. I am doing lots better, but sometimes life is just, well, hard. I thought by 25 I would have a college degree, be working as a nurse, have one child at least etc. None of the above has been accomplished, but I too feel that life is great and the best part is Andrew is holding my hand the whole way.
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